Europe's Toughest Mudder - 2022

Europe's Toughest Mudder 2022 - Cholmondeley Castle

Why am I stood here again in the starting corrale for Europe's Toughest Mudder?  The one event I swore I would never do again.  The answer to that question is still a little foggy, I think I remember signing up to it in a moment of insanity, and I definitely don't remember training for it.  Yet still, here I am ready to embark on 12 hours through the night of gruelling, muddy obstacles in the pitch black dark.

"As a Tough Mudder, I pledge that....

• I understand that Tough Mudder is not a race but a challenge
• I put Team Work and Cameraderie before my course time
• I don't whine, kids whine
• I help my fellow mudders complete the course
• I overcome all fears"

As the clock struck 8pm, my headtorch was switched on and I crossed the start line.

The course was a 10k loop taking in the standard Tough Mudder obstacles which were on a rotational basis and therefore opened and shut at various intervals throughout the night.  No obstacles were open for the first hour, so the idea is to at least complete one loop before having to endure pain.

Being a trail run with very little light and very uneven and muddy terrain, it was quite difficult to gain any real 10k speed work so I happily trudged on knowing that if I maintained a below 16 - 18 minute mile pace through the whole event (including obstacles) I would be in good stead.  On the first loop I was clocking in a happy 10-11 minute mile pace.  In normal circumstances I would be devastated at this pace for my first few miles, but given the situation I was truly ecstatic. 

Loop one, albeit with no open obstacles, still contained a water/mud crossing, a couple of climbs over and under fences yet I still crossed the finish line in just over the hour mark.  Knowing that obstacles would now be open on the next loop I was ready to begin.

Loop two was a whole new kettle of fish, but the big obstacles were yet to start thankfully.  The first obstacle to arrive was "Kiss of Mud", a lovely few trenches of mud which you had to carefully crawl/drag yourself through to avoid the low hanging barbed wire frame that was above.  Not too taxing, but definitely had an impact on the knees.  The on to the usual favourites, Hero Walls (I hate these), Pitfall and Mud Mile.  I was now starting to get pretty filthy, but laughing all the way.  The final part of the loop was up and over The Mudderhorn.  This is a massive A-Frame netting with a leap to start.  It is nothing too tough, but The Mudderhorn does get your heart rate going and you scramble up and over.  Loop two was completed well under the two hour goal time and I was off out again.

This was the loop were things started to get really TOUGH.  Most of the obstacles had opened now and they were pretty gruelling.  

This was my first experience of "Sewer Rat" and although it does not look too bad, the physical exhaustion getting through the obstacle was probably one of the hardest on the course.  Sliding down a thin tube you are plunged into a 4ft pool of thick, gloopy mud. It was so difficult to move a leg forward due to the consistency of the murky substance I was semi submerged in.  It was probably no further than 10 meters but it felt like a mile.  Nearing the end of the pool, there was a rope which you could use to propel yourself at a quicker pace and then hoist yourself out of the quagmire. Again, this is more difficult that you can imagine.  As I left Sewer Rat, I must have been 2 stone heavier with the amount of sludge clinging to my clothing.

Another obstacle that doesn't sound too much is "Devil's Beard", a cargo net pinned to the floor at various tension levels but this year, it was secured up a hill.  So not only did you have to grind your way through the horrendous obstacle, but you also had to do it whilst climbing a mud mountain.  Again, leaving this behind took an incredible amount of energy reserve out of the tank.

The onto Electric Eel, the first of the electrocution points (but don't tell them that the left hand side was not working - no electrocution for me!), over to Everest (which I took the forfeit as I tried twice to make it to the top) and then to Artic Enema.  Artic Enema was an absolute nemesis last time, a slide into a bath of ice which is also industrially chilled.  Once you have plunged into the icy depths, it is then under a barrier and climb out the other side.  I think my body was already cold, so this did not have as much as an impact as I remembered last year.

Finally on to The Mudderhorn again and then through Electroshock Therapy (to which again, I did not get electrocuted)  Lap 3 completed in exactly 2 hours, still below my target overall.  

I was now starting to feel tired and a little drained.  The temperature had really dropped and with my clothing soaked and sludged I was struggling to retain any body heat. I thought running again would help so off I went to loop 4.

Over Hero Walls (I still hate them), through Kiss of Mud, and then onto Skid Marked. On my previous loop I had remember the training I had sought from YouTube on how to tackle this obstacle and amazing it worked, I was up and over in seconds like a gazelle.  So I just had to do the same thing, right? Skid Marked is an inverted wall approximately 8 foot which you have to traverse to clamber over the top and slide down the other side.  I gripped the first rung, climbed to the second, secure my hands onto the top rung and began to hoist myself up. I don't know if it was the cold in my fingers, the mud and slime on the top rung or just physical exhaustion, but I lost my grip...I fell.  However, I did not just fall backwards.  As I slipped, I fell to the side and crashed into the metal frame supporting the obstacle, this spun me as I made my way to the floor and I must have kicked the frame with my left shin.  As I made contact with the floor, I made a little groan of pain.

I stood up, assessed my injuries and looked to the marshal, "This is a must complete" I was informed.  Failure to get over this obstacle would result in a DNF and the last 3 loops would be null and void.  Also, as per the Tough Mudder rules, If I sought medical attention and then deemed it not safe for me to continue, I would be classed as a medical disqualification and the last three loops null and void.  It really felt like I had broken a rib, the bruising that was almost imminent supported this, and the pain in my shin was horrendous.  This gave me the realisation that I was supposed to be doing this for fun and the fun had gone, but I was not being disqualified. 

• I don't whine, kids whine

My confidence was broken, but with a little assistance.....

• I help my fellow mudders complete the course

... I was over Skid Marked and slowly hobbling through the course.

I tactically used a forfeit on Devil's Beard, I happily went through Electric Eel knowing it was not working.  I worked as a team with my new gang "The Squids" to chain gang through Sewer Rat.  Arctic Enema had reversed and it was not climb into the freezing water, under the barrier and then climb the slide.  I took the forfeit on Everest again, Cage Crawl, Mud Mile, Pitfall, The Gauntlet, Pyramid Scheme, onto The Mudderhorn, through Electroshock Therapy and across the finish line.

With 4 and a half hours to go, I could have put in an extra couple of laps to match the 36 mile covered last year, I could have pushed to go a little further, but I could have also done some irreparable damage.  I had nothing to prove, nothing to gain.  I was done.

I slowly ambled back to the pit tent and wrapped myself in a towel.  Changed into warm clothing and curled up in pain, shaking from the mild hypothermia I was also feeling now I had stopped.

I fell asleep.

As I woke it was nearly the cut off time of 7am so I walked over to the registration point, collected my medal, woolly hat, head bands and confirmed that I had completed my second and final Europe's Toughest Mudder.

I am writing this a couple of days after and the bruising around my arms, legs, and torso is really coming out and it is still pretty sore to walk on my left leg.  Thankfully, my ribs are not broken, but I had a good scar and some hefty bruising around the area.  My left shin is also cut and swollen but RICE will help with that one.  This is just a little reminder to myself should I have a moment of insanity in the coming weeks.  You are done with these events, stick to running and other none-stupid events!